A trader named ‘Nick’ employs a strategy of working on a new project only after he has “cleared the deck” of all uncompleted work and issues.

He believes that this strategy allows him to focus entirely on a new project without being pulled away by other demands and distractions. To some extent this strategy is correct.  Having observed this pattern in the past, I have concluded that it is just another of a list of clever self-deceptions that allow him to avoid starting something new.  For whatever reason, he is loath to get started on anything. Once he is in the middle of a project, he is very happy and does not want it to end. So, he has another set of self-deceptions that allow him to avoid finishing a project.

Many traders, like Nick, have their own set of brilliantly constructed self-deception games that allow them to avoid the things they want to avoid without acknowledging the fact that they are avoiding them. For example:

1. The ‘Perfect Trading System’ Avoidance Game – A fair number of new traders are terrified of actually trading in real markets with real money. To avoid this showdown with reality, they determine that they must construct the perfect trading system. Since perfection can never be reached, they are safe from the situation they fear. I have seen traders spend years constructing a system. They spend time doing the research, backtesting the premise and after a milli-second of trading in real time, they have gone back to the drawing board.

2. The ‘Not Enough Capital’ Avoidance Game – Once again, our trader has found the perfect reason for avoiding the showdown with reality. He has read that trading requires a certain amount of capital to provide sufficient cushion to protect from being wiped out by a market correction or any number of unexpected reversals.  Excellent reason. The problem is that there is never “enough.”  He has set himself a goal that is 10 to 25% above the safety zone, but he knows unconsciously that he will either never be able to reach this figure or that he will always find a way to spend that last portion needed to fill his quota on “necessary” things.

3. ‘Things that Get in the Way’ Avoidance Game – A trader has recently suffered a painful loss. Instead of dealing with the fear of re-experiencing the pain of that loss, he finds all manner of reasons not to trade or to take that trade. He may not feel well enough to trade, there may be pressing personal or family obligations, he may need to attend to upgrades on his computer, or his children or wife need him. The list goes on. Then there are the market reasons, as well. The market is too volatile, it is too flat, he is waiting for the market to reach a support level, to break through that support level, etc., etc.

How to recognize an avoidance game

The first problem with avoidance games is that the person who is playing the game is the one least likely to know or admit that he is playing it. There is a tremendous payoff in maintaining the game since the principle reason for playing it is to avoid pain. Fear is the motivating factor in this game.  The player has learned to associate a form of pain with the thing to be avoided. The pain can be in the form of loss, public humiliation, embarrassment, disappointment, rejection, scolding or even physical pain.

One trader finds ways to avoid paying his bills even to the point where the creditors keep calling. But, there is more than adequate money in his account to pay them. He avoids the act of paying them because he is afraid to give up his money for fear that he will have nothing. He associates this feeling with a time when he was down to his last dime and was overcome with panic and a sense of powerlessness.  Now, he fears that feeling more than the embarrassment of being hounded by the ‘dunners.’ 

So, here are a few signs that you are playing the avoidance game on yourself:

1. You feel guilty. Regardless of how well you play the self-deception game, inside you can actually feel the conflict created by your avoidance because you feel the guilt.  Guilt is a sign that something is not right. You tell others that you are clearing the decks, but inside you can feel the guilt.

2. You are getting nothing done. When the wheels start grinding to a complete stop while you keep telling yourself and others that you are not trading or getting necessary things done for all of your “good reasons,” you are in the midst of an avoidance game.

3. You become defensive. As those around you begin to call you on your avoidance game, you will be forced to defend yourself – more passionately and more loudly.

Eventually, even you will recognize that you are mired in an avoidance trap. But, at that point, you may feel too frightened, powerless and confused to pull yourself out of it. That is the point at which you must reach out to someone who can help you end the avoidance by overcoming the fear. That person must be someone you can trust to listen to you without judgment, but also, someone who is not going to buy into your well-rehearsed self-deception.

The Final Avoidance

So, now you have come to terms with the fact that you are playing avoidance games. You also recognize the fact that you need help to stop the game.  But, you are avoiding making the call… 

At this point, you could help yourself over this last hurdle by asking yourself what it is that you are afraid of ? The reception you will get ? Coaches of all stripes are trained to deal with you kindly, without judgment, and with the ability to help you solve this problem. The cost ? Whatever the cost is, imagine the cost to you financially and emotionally by not dealing with your problem. The time ? If you fail to deal with your avoidance problem, you will soon have all the time in the world. But, if you imagine the freedom from fear you will experience when you are released from your avoidance game, you will soon find yourself running to the phone.